The Dating & Relationship Grind: Private or Hidden? When Your Situationship Stays Off Social Media

Jordyn Mayes
Aug 12
4 min read

Is It a Red Flag or Are You Just Overthinking? Jorzy Weighs In on the Fine Line Between Privacy and Secrecy.

By Jorzy

Reader Submission: "Is he hiding me, or am I just not that deep to him?"

"Hey Jorzy, So I’ve been seeing this guy for about six months now. It started off casual, then got a little more serious. Like, we spend a lot of time together. I’ve slept over more times than I can count, and I’ve even helped him put together furniture at his new spot. But here’s the thing: I’m nowhere to be found on his socials. Not a story repost, not a background cameo... nothing. I didn’t think much of it at first because I don’t post him either (I’m not even big on social media like that). But something about how intentional he is about keeping me out of frame started to rub me the wrong way. One time I jokingly said, “Damn, I must be a secret,” and he kinda laughed it off. Then he said, “I like to keep my personal life private,” but he has no problem posting his dog, his brunch, and his best friend's birthday. I guess my question is… is this a red flag? Or am I just being paranoid? I really like him, but I don’t want to be someone’s well-kept secret. What do you think?" - Anonymous

Let’s set the scene.

You’re pacing. Then sitting. Then sliding down the wall like you’re in a music video. The pit in your stomach isn’t hunger, it’s that gnawing feeling that something just ain’t adding up.

You’ve been dating, talking, vibing, and coexisting with someone for a minute now. Long enough for “wyd” texts to turn into sleepovers, toothbrush placements, and passive-aggressive comments about how long you take to get ready on any given occasion. But one thing hasn’t happened: not a single trace of you has made it to their social media.

And now, your mind’s racing: Is this a red flag? Or am I spiraling for no reason?

Let’s talk about it.

Privacy vs. Secrecy: Know the Difference

First off, let’s make a clear distinction between privacy and secrecy.

Privacy says: “This is mine, and I’m protecting it.” Secrecy says: “This is mine, and I’m hiding it from you.”

One is about peace. The other? Manipulation. Control. Misdirection. So if you’re sitting there wondering why bae hasn’t posted a soft launch, the real question is: What’s the intention behind the silence?

Social Media Isn’t Real Life, But It Does Reflect It

Look. We’re living in the thick of social media culture. Whether you’re quoting scripture or spinning on poles, chances are you’ve got a digital footprint. And with that comes the blurred line between what we feel and what we show.

We post selfies no one asked for. Recaps of trips we barely could afford. Highlights of our lives that might’ve already expired (aka college memories). We want to be seen. We want validation. We want that little dopamine hit that says, “Yes, you're doing life right.”

But here’s the thing: social media is curated. It’s not reality, it’s our presentation of it. So when someone doesn’t post their partner, it’s not always shady. Sometimes, it’s strategic. Sometimes, it’s about boundaries. And sometimes—yes—it’s about keeping their options open.

So how do you tell the difference?

The Real Questions You Should Be Asking

Let’s shift the focus.

Forget Instagram for a second. Instead, ask yourself:

Have you met their friends?
Have you been around their family?
Do they make time for you in real life?
Do you feel seen, supported, and secure when the phones are away?

If the answer is yes to most of those, their lack of social media love might be a you thing, not a them thing. But if your gut is screaming, and their whole online presence screams “single AF,” you might want to investigate further.

Sometimes your instincts aren’t anxiety, they’re information.

Social Media Can’t Hold Your Relationship Together

Let’s be real: posting each other won’t save your relationship from what’s broken. People who post each other every day still cheat. Still lie. Still leave.

That said, if being media public is something you value, don’t downplay that. You’re allowed to want to feel proud of your relationship. You’re allowed to want to be acknowledged. You’re not “doing too much” for wanting to be visible.

But before you toss the whole situationship in the trash, have the conversation. Not the passive one. Not the “haha, you never post me” comment under their TikTok. I mean a real conversation.

“Hey, I’ve noticed you don’t share anything about us on social. I’m curious about your reason. Can we talk about it?”

Let their answer guide you, not your spiraling.

Don’t Miss the Green Flags

Listen, some people are dogs. They’re out here living a full-on Hannah Montana double life—different cities, different phones, different partners. But if your person shows up for you in real life, if they’re emotionally available, if they’re consistent and kind, you might just be dealing with a privacy preference.

Don’t sabotage something good because of something digital. But also, don’t gaslight yourself into silence. If something feels off, it’s okay to lean into that feeling.

The truth always finds its way to the surface.

Bottom Line?

Social media isn’t the judge, jury, or therapist of your relationship. It’s a tool. A mirror. A magnifier. Use it wisely, but don’t let it replace what matters: real connection, real presence, and real communication.

So, is keeping your relationship off the 'Gram a red flag?

It could be. Or maybe you’re just dating someone who understands that the best parts of love don’t need a filter.

Want me to weigh in on your situationship drama, ghosting saga, or friend group betrayal? Send your story to our contact page and I just might air it out, anonymously, of course.

MESSAGE JORZY TALKS